"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart form that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
-- Excerpt from 'Thoughts in Solitude' by Thomas Merton
I loved this! Not completely sure how to live this out, but I loved it!
6 comments:
I have always been one of those people who THINK they are living the way they should, but then are hit in the face with a baseball bat by God telling me I'm not.. and it's been happening a lot lately.
"Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so."
I read that line about ten times.. and it explains exactly where I am right now. I know I want to live for God, but I think it's more... not knowing where to go with that. I think it's more than just reading your bible and going to church, it's your life and the way you live it.. but it saddens me that I don't know where to start... if that even makes sense. I know what I should be doing, but it always feels like there is something more I'm missing out on... something else I should be doing that I'm not and I'm not sure what it is.
I will find this book and read it.
-Leslie-
I love this too, because it's exactly where I am right now. It's always comforting to know that others feel the same as we do. Especially when we are facing the unknown.
ok so...."and i know that if i do this you will lead me by the right road, though i may know nothing about it"
as someone who's been trying very hard to figure out what i'm supposed to do with my life and as of yet, not seeing any clear direction, i ask God alot to show me the path he wants me to be on. to show me which road to go down. to assure me that the one i pick is the correct one.
this little sentence here... well frankly it feels like it suggests that i can please God and follow him down the correct road, but that perhaps God has no obligation to me to inform me that i am on said road. or anywhere near it. or that it exists.
i guess i've just felt like this should be like...a two way conversation with God in which he considers my opinion and we make some sort of compromise. suppose that's not the way it goes though. soooo i hope i can "trust you always though i may seem to be lost..." i think i'm going to try harder to.
Lester...
I too, suffer from the 'baseball bat' syndrome. What other people seem to sense or comprehend so quickly and simply requires a 'mack truck encounter' for me to understand.
I found this little book by Merton for just a couple of dollars at a used bookshop and am still chewing on what I found there.
Greg:
I do think it's the unknown that is difficult. I believe (hope?) that if I got my assignment, say on a note card signed GOD, I would accept the job, even if it was a particularly difficult one. It is the probing around in what seems to be the dark looking for my way that is especially problematic to me.
Tay-Tay:
I have kind of been playing tug-of-war over the paradox of waiting for God vs. burying your talent in the ground.
Surely with all the violence and decay and pain in this world, sitting around waiting for God to show us the road we should take without addressing these problems cannot be what God would want from us.
However, at the same time, I could tell you bunches of times where I have jumped in with both feet, and only remembered later to pray and ask God to 'baptize' my desires, and make them His. As opposed to coming to Him and asking Him to show me the desires of His heart.
It seems to me that the trouble comes in your belief as to whether or not God has a terribly specific plan for your life, or whether He created you and wired you up with certain passions and gifts He intended you to use in His kingdom, wherever that may be. How you answer that question will dictate what your expectations of His plan will be. And we all know what happens when our expectations aren't met!
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